Rays of realisation come through difficulties and tests.
The day my son had an emergency appendicitis operation, was a moment of self control and a moment of awareness. A moment to apply all I have learnt spiritually, to good use.
As a seeker of my soul journey, from an early age, wondering what life is all about, I ventured through many areas of learning, was given many tests, which as an open minded and positive thinking individual, I sifted the good from the bad, over came many challenges to improve the quality of self and life.
I remember, before full dawning of the awakening of self, I did go through a big test when at the stage of late pregnancy with my last child, I fell very sick and had to be admitted in hospital. I could not breathe, and the baby’s and my heart rate escalated, I thought I was dying. In my life, I thought I was dying many times. When I was recovering, about a week later, my other two sons, at ages 4 and 1 , were also admitted into hospital , one had had an epilepsy fit from high fever and the other was infected by dengue. These two were poked and prodded everyday with needles, taking blood tests and having infusions. Technology and medicine have helped mankind recover from diseases fast, but pregnant mothers with two sick sons, feel at that moment, very helpless. I nearly had a breakdown, almost gave up on everything. I felt I was surely going mad! I couldn’t understand how much “bad luck” I was having in this new country.
I came from a developed country and relocated to this developing country, bringing children whose immunity system did not support the tropical diseases that were still rampant. Thank God, by the grace of Allah Ta’ala, we have survived now, eight years later and the children are healthy and strong.
Yet, at this time of my son’s emergency surgery, I couldn’t help but reflect on him, his life from a baby till eleven years of age; while holding on to his special ted, sitting on the floor, in the corridor just outside the operating rooms, how much this son has gone through in such a short space of time. In the preparation room, I waited with him, tears rolling down my face uncontrollably, I tried not to be worried, after all it was a simple operation. Yet, no mother can see any of their children in pain or suffering. He was nervous and acted so brave, yet his hear beat was increased and his hands clammy. He said, “Mama, it’s okay. I am fine, I’ll be alright. Don’t be so worried, why don’t you go outside and relax.” I thought it was wise, rather than make him feel worse, I did as he suggested. I left him for about twenty minutes, to compose myself and come back in, to see if he had been sent in the operating theatre yet, but as I looked in I saw him , entertaining himself with the great imagination that he has, waiting for his turn. As soon as he saw me, his face lit! Like a relief, not to be left alone. ALAS, IT WAS HIS TURN, HE SMILED AND WITH GREAT PRIDE I HAD, WHISPERED “I LOVE YOU. SEE YOU SOON. IT WILL BE OKAY.”
All memories of him, kept me, huddled by that exit door, with special ted, Flank, as my companion. We sat there till he came out, nearly 2 hours. In meditation, and keeping an eye on his soul, while he was under anesthetic, a mother for her son. The strength of love surpasses any other. It made me aware, that I have come a long way from the pregnant mother with two sick boys way back in 2004.
Thank you to Allah Ta’ala for sending me guidance and angel helpers.
Special thanks also to Alex, who slept by the entrance door, on the floor, keeping me company.
And gratitude to those who came in support and love. And to those who offered their support online.
Life is filled with love of great companions , we are grateful.
Love, Peace & Light ~Lorraine Nur~
