Gullible is one thing, stupid another

by Lorraine Branson on Friday, 24 December 2010 at 02:55

The Buddha has said, "If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed." The way a woman plays with her hair reveals so many intimate details. Dear old sage, mentor in worldly matters. How a pure heart deems services in marriage so calmly. Full of rational interpretation, not upholding only justice but love too. In so many denominations, we find many advice on what a good marriage consists of. My personal belief is LOVE will overcome and fulfill all needs, wants and desires.  Based on moral values, sound respect, conjoined motivation of a successful union. Trust is a father figure in a marriage where a man feels a need to protect his "own". Protection and defense of his dominion. That in a normal marriage is fundamental. Where positions in the marriage is a normal path, not needed to be processed as set rules and regulations. A flow based on a mutual understanding. "Never lose hope no matter how bad things get; no matter how depressing, no matter how negative. Rise above it all. You may make mistakes but at least you gave your best in all sincerity. Love is given freely, don't take advantage of it." ~ Lorraine Nur~ "Wolves in sheep's' clothing. Gullible is one thing, stupid another. Sometimes one makes choices based on false pretences hence a liable mistake. If every thing was clear cut, directed and wrapped; all you'd get is a commodity not an asset." ~ Lorraine Nur ~ Hence, coexisting as life partners in a marriage does need to be based on non-bias principles and values. As my own belief structure and choices guide me and I as a woman know where I stand , what my responsibilities are and where my priorities lie. "I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."  ~Anaïs Nin~ In the above quote, I have the opinion that all women in a marriage do depend on this character and will to have this, although never failing as woman when becoming a wife. "Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. " ~Joseph Conrad~"No woman is required to build the world by destroying herself."  ~Rabbi Sofer "One of the things about equality is not just that you be treated equally to a man, but that you treat yourself equally to the way you treat a man.  ~Marlo Thomas" How uncanny that some men do have the innate ability to have a moral conscience that they can be a difficult species and admit it. Although, how many while knowing that they are difficult, try to change their ways for the better and protect something which is worth saving? I often feel and advice against name calling or offensive ,derogatory language in the relationship of husband and wife. In that, no matter how angry one may be, it is totally unacceptable to repeat insults. Words have a cutting edge. The mind filters hurtful verbal abuse, but can never erase it. Words spoken in random anger leave scars. It can affect a woman's self-esteem which does say much about her as a gentle creature in need of love, care and nurturing. It would be quite official to say cows were made for milking and tugging, not women. "The beauty of a woman is in her heart not just her body. SeX: Such a taboo subject when I was growing up. I was never given straightforward advice and learnt many things the "hard" way. I do not begrudge my parents at all, they did their best in all matters raising me to become the woman I am today. In matters of sexual relations within a marriage. I love romance. I love the "play". I would not be bored with someone I love and I would anticipate great sex with him as well. I feel when sex is love based, through understanding, communication, openness and acceptance, one can have a wonderful time in sex with one's spouse. On the other hand, when sex becomes a ritual, an act of responsibility with only one partner dominant/active or with only one expected to make all the effort, it can become a tedious chore, no matter what. Sex based on love and not lust is long lasting. Fantasies in a marriage can be a healthy ,adventurous and is normal. Frivolity, intimacy, romance, nonjudgmental and commitment is also appreciated when considering a happy, healthy and long lasting marriage. Women and men's roles differ in a marriage. Women who are mothers also have their "roles" to play as wives and nurturers. When demands exceed supply, we have problems. When rules are set as to intending a time spent together and everything needs to be agreed upon before commencing is unusual and not normal, according to me. Finding time in our hectic schedules for love making is good. But when it becomes tactical, then that is bad. Tactic to create vying and jealousy have no place in a healthy and romantic marriage. Romance is a necessary ingredient. Positive verbal appreciation and showing appreciation is too. Say " I Love you" a lot, it is sweet and reminds one that the affection is never forgotten. Women from  different cultures adhere to husbands differently, although never losing respect of him as the head of the family. Some women live in marriages because they have to, some women suffer in marriages because they feel the sacrifice is worth it, some women choose to be removed from a negative marriage and some women simply accept the course their marriage takes. Definitely, every action has a re-action, consequence and risks. As long as women are happy to be in whatever marriage status or situation they find themselves, love is most truly the key to its success. Men who have a keen eye for the women, who have the lust pleasure , most certainly do not fit the profile of perfect husband, no matter how much responsibility they claim to be able to convey and carry out. Negativity can come in the form of cynicism, criticism, whining, attacking, pessimism, discontent, perfectionism, and hyperintensity. All of these behaviors can push people away, including your spouse. "Research indicates you can get mad as hell or avoid conflict altogether. But the positivity must outweigh the negativity by five to one." Source: John Gottman, Nan Silver, "What Makes Marriage Work?", PsychologyToday.com, Mar/Apr 1994. In conclusion, words have no good effect if words are from poor choice in vocabulary. Women are by nature sensitive to words, hardened and not showing feeling kills love. Hence, taking care without many demand, making the journey together will be happy, successful and long, if in truth and honesty everthing started. Partners feel love in sex. ~Lorraine Nur~