The past haunts

My children are my life, joys and wonders. There was a time before they arrived when I wondered if I would ever have any. Whilst, raising other people's children and having neighbours' children fill my home, I kept praying for my own. In those days, I was kept busy with home duties and family, never asking or doubting that my life was blessed in many ways. When my first child was born, with all the happiness and gratitude I felt, life was not without troubles of other sorts. Having to deal with running a family mostly alone then was a huge task, but that was all I knew. That was my life , I didn't know better. I withstood trials within a marriage that was far from perfect or happy. But for my faith and sincerity of my life choice, I devoted a large part of my life in something I believed in. As life turns out today, the devotion and care which I sincerely gave for almost twenty years turns out to be a terrible dissappointment. Nothing of the toils have paid off in seeing bad life decision choices and attitude. So for what it was worth, it has not enhanced my life. Yet, those past years, were used wisely from a religious perspective. The reality is now clear that we make ourselves what we want to become but we cannot change others. So, the most blessings that came from that imperfect past, are my five children, in whom my toils and perseverance were rewarded by having them and that has made the madness of the past memories, bearable. Today, in a scenario which is less than perfect, I strive once again, to raise children of my own, with all hope and prayers, with faith and certainty, a mother's prayer for her children will always be answered by Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala, that they will never compromise their deen and grow to become good muslims in the deen. I have no further hope for anythingelse, other than this. For my children matter most to me and they are the legacy I leave on this Earth. Women in Al Qur'an, have been raised in status and worth. Our rights as muslimahs are to be respected. And Jannah is at the feet of mothers. ~ lorrainenur @2013