Symbolic death

 

Is it meant to be that only I know what I know and that everyone is oblivious to what is obvious? Is it meant that I go through each and every cycle as if I am alone in this world? Is it meant to be that I have no claim on anything and everybody does? Is it meant to be that I must face adversaries everyday in order to be prepared for that moment when I finally die and can say,"Boy! What a ride that was!" Or is it meant to be that I just have to hobble on the path of pebbles and try to sift them slowly to finally reveal the actual road? Faced by so many challenges which makes no sense to me, like hatred in words and looks, noticeably and indelibly engraved through the darkness of the eyes, which seem like a tunnel with no ending; I space out to find the comfort zone of my soul. The aching, the pain, the sadness dwells within, bleeding slowly and the handle of the knife twists slowly deeper and deeper. The pain, the heartache of being so misunderstood. The pains and heartaches which none may know or understand. The hollow emptiness. The dreaded nonexistent feeling, soaring, flying away. Take me far, far away. No one holds my spirit. My ears go deaf; my eyes stare into a blur, my face, expressionless, my head stoned and my body lifeless. I zone out, fly from this world, seems a nightmare. Every inch and ounce of my energy is zapped ...every atom of my being cloaked in ashes and debris. I cannot clean up the mess, the muddles; the annoying muttering continues to drone in my ears. The nozzle locked on my mouth so I cannot utter. Neither shall I think. I do not want to muster the energy to fight, I have no will to continue, I sway in a near faint, I feign not! Grieving is this soul, attempting to understand the carnivorous nature of mankind. Such unwholesome and filthy characteristics, hurts like a thorn in a ripped heart. I will the heart to beat slower, the brain to still the thoughts; I allow my ebbing spirit to crumble in a heap. Away, gone..and none shall ever realise what I was all about?

Lorraine Nur